lawyer
A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them.
His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says "I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'" "But why?" asks the man. "I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replies.
MY CROW SOFT
When Bill Gates was a young lad he had a pet crow. He tried teaching the bird to speak, introducing a new word each day. To his disappointment his black friend would not utter a sound, until finally one day the bird jumped up on his perch and blurted "Bill Gates, you will be the richest man in the world some day!" Bill was totally astonished. He needed to hear more, but the bird would not say another word. Bill decided to seek professional help. He went to see a Gypsy tea reader. The old lady looked into the tea leaves and exclaimed, "yes Bill Gates you will be the richest man in the world if you do this one simple thing!" Bill could hardly contain himself as he ran home. The next morning as Bill's mother came down for breakfast she found Bill cooking something on the stove. " What are you doing, young man?" she asked. "Well Mother, remember what Blackie told me the other day?" "Yes Bill, but what are you cooking?" "Well," said Bill, "I went to see the Gypsy tea reader and she confirmed what the bird told me!" "Wow, that's great!" said his mother, "But what is in the pot?" "Well, the gypsy lady told me that I needed to do one small thing to get my wealth!" "Yes Bill but why are you cooking?" "Well.... She told me I had to make MY CROW SOFT!!!!!!!!!"
Sardar on phone: Doctor my wife is pregnant.
She is having pain right now.
Doctor: Is this her first child?
Sardar: No this is her husband speaking.
Two sardarji's named guru singh and satavan singh are travelling in a train.
Guru singh looks like typical sardarji with beard and moustache.
Unfortunately Satavan Singh does not have beard and moustache.
Guru Singh goes to sleep asking satavan singh to wake him up when Ahmedabad comes. Satavan singh is very jealous of his co traveller guru singh because he does not have beard and moustach. So while gurusingh is sleeping he takes a knife and shaves of guru singh's beard and moustache.
Before Ahmedabad's comes satavan singh goes to guru singh and wakes him up.Guru singh goes to wash basin to freshen up. But after seeing his face in the mirror he says this guy satavan singh woke up somebody else instead of me!!!!!!
Guru singh looks like typical sardarji with beard and moustache.
Unfortunately Satavan Singh does not have beard and moustache.
Guru Singh goes to sleep asking satavan singh to wake him up when Ahmedabad comes. Satavan singh is very jealous of his co traveller guru singh because he does not have beard and moustach. So while gurusingh is sleeping he takes a knife and shaves of guru singh's beard and moustache.
Before Ahmedabad's comes satavan singh goes to guru singh and wakes him up.Guru singh goes to wash basin to freshen up. But after seeing his face in the mirror he says this guy satavan singh woke up somebody else instead of me!!!!!!
New glasses
Doctor: You need new glasses.
Patient: How do you know? I haven't told you whats wrong with me yet.
Doctor: I could tell as soon as you walked in through the window!
A Really Bad Day
There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.
Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry."
"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away."I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife ready to leave the house. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."
Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry."
"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away."I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife ready to leave the house. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."
A computer programmer was walking along the side of a lake when he came across a funny looking frog. The guy picked up the frog, put it into his pocket, and went on his way.
A couple of minutes of walking later, the man heard a cry from inside his pocket, "help, help"! He took out the frog, looked at it, smiled, and put it back into his pocket.
Again, "help, help me, a wicked witch has turned me into a frog, kiss me and I'll turn into a beautiful princess". Again the man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and put it back again.
Moments later, "Help me, help me, a wicked witch has turned me into a frog, kiss me and I'll turn into a beautiful princess. I'll do_anything_if_ you_ help_ me, anything"! The man simply took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and put it back again!
The little green frog again screamed out "Help, I'm the most beautiful princess, if you kiss me and help me I'll do anything, marry you, give you money, ANYTHING." The man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled and said "I'm a computer programmer; I work too much so a girlfriend or wife is of no use to me. But, a small talking green frog is cool."
funny picture
